It really infuriates me when people say I’m too nice. Can you ever be too nice? What exactly are we saying? I think we’re all familiar with the idea that too much of anything is never good. But when it comes to being a nice person, meaning you are kind, considerate, empathetic, how can that be bad? I think the issue here is less about me, and more about others. If I am kind, considerate, and empathetic towards someone, that sometimes makes them uncomfortable. Or sometimes it means people take advantage of it. I can see how that would make someone uncomfortable. There have been instances when I wish someone would’ve been more assertive, or would speak up. But I’ve never thought “oh, I wish that person wasn’t so nice”. Because for me it is not a bad thing to be nice. I think people react negatively to it because it makes them think about how they are living and acting. You see, it becomes more about our own insecurities, rather than the person we’re criticizing.

Every time I judge someone else, I reveal an unhealed part of myself. – Shawne Duperon

To be fair, I think the problem I have is not that I am too nice. It is that I am afraid of confrontation, so I am not as direct as I should. And that is an issue I am working on. However, it upsets me when it is used against me to justify someone else’s behavior. For example, if a guy harasses me or is too aggressive coming on to me, I get blamed for it. And it is usually men who will say, well you’re just too nice. No. Actually, I’m nice and I don’t want to change who I am to make you feel better about yourself. I am trying to strike a balance between being nice and being upfront and direct about my feelings in a way that is still respectful of the other person. I wish it was easier for me to speak up and advocate for myself. It is something I am actively working on, and I have come a long way from where I used to be. So for now I just leave you with a thought. Why do you react so negatively to someone who is always nice? What exactly is upsetting you? I bet it has a lot more to do with something other than just being nice. Get to the bottom of it. Let’s not change the good in people. Do you want to empower someone to speak up? Great. That doesn’t mean we then ask them to be jerks or not as empathetic. Think about it…